Allstar Agility

Bedtime Prayer

Now I lay me down to sleep,
The king-sized bed is soft and deep.
I sleep right in the center groove,
My human beings can hardly move.
I've trapped their legs, they're tucked in tight,
And here is where I pass the night.

No on disturbs me or dares intrude,
Til morning comes and "I want food!"
I sneak up slowly to begin,
And nibble on my human's chin.
For morning's here, it's time to play,
I always seem to get my way.

So thank you Lord, for giving me,
This human person that I see.
The one who hugs me and holds me tight,
And shares their bed with me at night.

Dogs Welcome

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation.

He wrote:

I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"

An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who wrote:

SIR:

"I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or steal pictures off the walls or use them as a colouring book. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill.

Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here too."

I'm Awesome

My dog thinks I'm
awesome. He also
thinks dead squirrels
are awesome. And
poop. But mostly me.

Funny Photos

This is what happens when you cut down too many trees.

How To Wash a Cat

  1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
  2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
  3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid.
  4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
  5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power-wash and rinse'.
  6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
  7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.
  8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

 

 wetcat1

Sincerely,
The Dog

 

wetcat2